I have been asked out for Thursday by someone I kinda like. At first I thought he was blowing me off because he didn't answer the myspace messages I sent him. But come to find out he has been busy moving into his new house. Really responsible level headed guy just a bit moody. We always had fun hanging out together after work. But I sent a message trying to renogotiate it to a Friday or Saturday night. Honestly I think I am going to avoid it this week all together. I am actually scared of dating again. I havn't had a date in over 6 years I think. Me and J kinda hit the ground runnin and burnt out fast. Very fast. So hopefully I can get over whatever it is I am afraid of. I mean me and him used to hang out like every other night so it really shouldn't be different! Guess we will see what happens.

Gregs holding steady which sounded good but now they are saying it's not. That he should have had more progress by now. I think my aunt is gonna hold out a while longer though.

I have been talking to my old friend from school. It amazes me where she is at right now. I thought I was doing pathetic. She had way more oppurtunities than me. Way more money. Even inherited a healthy sum shortly before highschool grad and now she is living at home with her dad, self admittedly smoking pot every day. She got married right out of hs and is seperated and dating a mutual friend from back then. It's insane she had the chance to go to college and blew it off, scholarship and all.

I called Joe a spoiled lazy brat. We had an argument last night because of it and I kinda just let it go figured we wouldn't be talking for a long while. He called me at like 12:30am and said he just couldn't break the ritual of talking to me before he goes to sleep. Awwww. I wish we had something, anything in common. Well we are both allergic to penicillin... But we talked again this morning too. So guess he is over it. Schools starting up again soon though and he wont be around. Back to Philly. And back to drunken college girls. He is so cute the way he pretends to be all moral and Godly around me. I seen the pics that prove otherwise!
He ain't foolin no one. But it also caused me to ask him why he hadn't made a move or acted up around me and he said "because I respect you. I don't want you thinking of me like that". Makes me wonder who he really is and if he is being fake though. Guys... they are so simple but so confusing. At least to me!

Me and Ian are fighting too! I managed to alienate everyone in one day!!! I don't even know whats wrong there but he ended our talk quick and blew me off the second time around. I used to be over the moon for him and then I started seeing how sickening our pattern was. IF he could make up his damn mind I might want to try it just because we have that five year history of being really good friends and he was my on again when Jerry was my off again. Deep down I think I am done with it though.

I had the sweetest dream last night! Okay. Fair warning I am weird. It was sweet in the end although it started out messed up.

Okay I was on my porch and the phone rang and I answered and some guy starts talking to me like he knows me so I go along with it hoping to figure out who it is soon. Well next thing I know he is saying really filthy and perverted things. And I was like who is this? Don't call again. Well he keeps telling me all these semi violent things he wants to do with me (maybe a flash of ians sadistic behaviour?). And then he said if you don't I'll just have to kill your family. So I hung up cause it's obviously a weirdo. But then I was sitting in my livingroom and someone starts trying to come through the door so I lock it real quick. But he unlocks it somehow and because of the threats he made against my family I just go along with him (some fight I put up huh). By the way this guy sorta looks like my exfiance Joe L. who I miss a bit. So anyways he takes me to this service looking van and ties me to the seat with rope and tells me to act natural. And we are driving along and the whole time he is telling me all the ways I am going to behave and stuff. And he goes I need to swing by work your going to sit here and be good. No screaming. And for some reason I do. Well I realise his work is a doctors office. He comes out and were driving through what looks like Florence, Ky to me. Erlanger maybe. And we go to his place. Well he ends up saying that's it that he can't and next thing I know we are back in the van heading back to my place to drop me off. Talking. ANd he turned out to be like a total sweetie who was a doctor and rich. And we fell in love. What a dream huh? Maybe its my way of saying I need a sweet, stable man with an adventuriously kinky side? Amanda enjoyed it. Course I gave her more details I would be too ashamed to say on here!